Windows to the Soul
by stormyteatime
Summary: While trying to fully learn how to live his life without his parents, Ciel starts going through some other changes. Only fully realizing them when he was with his best friend, Sebastian, a 4 year college student. While Ciel is trying to fight these things, Alois is trying to do the opposite with Claude; enduring these things. Happily ever after is never truly happy though. SebaCiel
1. Two Sides of a Profile

A _/N: So, yeah whatever. First Black Butler chapter fic and all that._

 _Rated M_

 _Pairings: Sebaciel, and One-sided ClaudexAlois, but not for the whole fic._

 _Summary: While trying to fully learn how to live his life without his parents, Ciel starts going through some other changes. Only fully realizing them when he was with his best friend, Sebastian, a 4 year college student. While Ciel is trying to fight these things, Alois is trying to do the opposite with Claude; enduring these things. Happily ever after is never truly happy though. SebaCiel; ClaudexAlois._

 _A/N: The situation with Alois and Claude is similar to the one in Black Butler 2; only for a different reason. Anyway, enjoy:3_

Windows to the Soul

Chapter 1

Two Sides of a Profile

His heart fluttered; a gentle touch. His chest felt lighter as light as his friend's laugh. A scarlet color found it's way on to his cheeks; a glance. These things went unnoticed when Ciel was with Sebastian. The two friends had summer jobs at a fast food place in downtown London. Although summer was coming to a close and Sebastian had to head back to his college about 5 hours away. Ciel was only a Junior in High School this year. Usually Ciel wouldn't be upset by his friend's leaving, but earlier in the summer, Ciel lost his parents in a house fire. Sebastian's been a real big help, always by his side and comforting. That's what makes him one of his best friends.

They met in primary school, Ciel was always bullied by older kids and Sebastian would come to the rescue. Ciel was in kindergarden and Sebastian in fifth grade. Kind of bad timing to make a friend. But Ciel was thankful for the friend. He didn't have just one friend he did have another friend though, he was older as well, Alois Trancy. Although Alois was only one year older, he would be a senior this year. Even though he had Alois, he wasn't the best he had, but he would have to do. Alois wasn't the best at being comforting, he was more annoying then so. Then again, Alois was in a similar situation, he lost his little brother and he didn't know his parents. Ciel never understood how he could be so happy all the time with all the shit that's happened. But, at times the kid did have a hard time. Sometimes he would break down and Ciel would be his only friend. If that wasn't the start of his problems.

"Are you sure there isn't anyway to commute from home..? I don't know if I can survive without you," Ciel admitted.

The older chuckled, "Ciel, we've never really seen each other besides over the summer and at work." Sebastian said.

"Yeah... but, now things are different," Ciel said. Not only had he lost his parents in the fire, he also gained an injury. During the fire a window burst and it scrap his eye diagonally across. His eye was okay, but it left a scar and his eye permanently purple. Even the whites of his eye was purple. He wore an eyepatch because he was embarrassed of the scar. Sebastian told him it looked cool.

"Don't worry, Ciel.." Sebastian put his hand on his shoulder, gaining the younger teens attention. "I'm just a phone call away and if you want to see me, a Skype call." Ciel only scowled at the older male. He never liked hearing his upbeat replies all the time. Even if he admitted to himself that it did make him feel better, a little bit, at least.

Ciel looked down, "I have to be getting home." He murmured. He watched the skyline, the sun sinking lower and lower.

"Need a ride?" Sebastian asked.

Ciel nodded, "That would be nice."

"If I couldn't do this much, what kind of a friend would I be?" He said, smirking as they stood. Ciel got into the passenger side of the car. Ciel never understood why Sebastian continued to hang out with him. He was a lot younger. Maybe there was something about himself that Sebastian saw in him, something Ciel couldn't see. Even so, if all was lost in the world and he could only have one thing; one thing greater than all the rest, he wanted Sebastian. He was his best friend, no one he ever knew in his entire life treated him with such kindness and... Ciel swallowed hard looking at the profile of his friend's face. He bit his lip and felt his throat go dry.

"Yes," The older smirked, feeling his friend staring at him. Ciel sputtered a response, face red. He looked away quickly to hide his flushed face. He made a disgruntled sound and waved him off. The older chuckled, "Sometimes you act like such a child." Ciel huffed and turned out the window. His eyes danced off the horizon, it glazing over in orange and purple. The sun was setting now. It was overwhelmingly beautiful. He looked back at his friend who was focused on the road. His red eyes seem to gleam in the sun's everlasting glow. Ciel's mouth fell agape slightly. Sebastian's pale form almost sparkled. Ciel's eyes widened at the devilish figure before him. Ciel realized how he was acting and turned away. Sebastian chuckled, glancing at the boy out of the corner of his eye. Ciel huffed again. Crossing his arms he flushed and looked out his window again.

He always acted in such a way. He didn't exactly notice. His behavior was completely absent minded. Unbeknownst to him. He sighed. Releasing his tension and uncrossing his arms. When he thinks he is about to lose it. He blushed, feeling a tingling sensation inside his chest. If only either of them knew what affect they had on each other. Ciel looked out the window for the remainder of the ride home, not saying one word.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ceil thanked his friend. Sebastian smiled, nodding in goodbye. "Bye." He managed before his friend drove off. Ciel sighed, looking up at his home. It all seemed too real. Nothing, no one but him and his great uncle Tanaka. It was such a big house, it was meant to hold more people. Shelter more. Well, there was nothing to dwell on now. Her walked up to the larger two-door entrance. He opened one, hearing it rub hardly on the stone ground. He already had one hell of a headache, he didn't need that. He swiftly made his way in, shutting the door tightly.

"Ho ho ho-my boy, how was your day?" Tanaka asked.

Ceil only shrugged, "Just a day, really..." He mumbled.

"Are you still bummed about Sebastian leaving soon?" Tanaka asked. Ciel huffed. The old man chuckled slightly. "You can't let that get to you, he will be back before you know it." Ceil signed; the old man was right. Then again, things were different, very different.

"I'm heading up to bed, Tanaka..." He mumbled.

"Would you like tea before then?" The old man asked. Ciel only nodded, finding words to be unnecessary at the moment. "Ah, Earl Grey then?" Again the boy nodded. He climbed the staircase to his room then after. Tanaka stood, his body making sounds that revealed his age. He knew the seventeen year old was upset about his friend leaving, and he understood. It seemed everyone was leaving nowadays. His old eyes reached to the photograph on the wall. But at least Sebastian would come back. It's hard for him to see that, Tanaka guessed. There have been too many people in his life who promised to return and unconsciously breaking that promise. Breaking Ciel's heart with it. The poor boy.

Ciel fumbled down on the mattress. He kicked his shoes off and pulled his legs up on the bed and tucked them underneath himself. He was tired; it was almost unbearable. His feet ached and his head pounded. He and Sebastian spent the entire day out. It was a glorious day. They got up and went out for breakfast, then shopping in town and had lunch before they both had shifts at work. A glorious day indeed. Ciel rolled over and rubbed his eyes. He rolled over once more upon Tanaka entering the room. His vision blurry he reached forward for his cup of tea. He sipped it, humming peacefully. Tanaka kissed boy's head and left the room with a quiet, goodnight. Ciel's head was pounding, so he finished up the glass and set it down on his bedside table.

Lately, Ciel had been noticing his actions toward Sebastian and the way he would react to it. It was strange and Ciel didn't know what to think of it. Sebastian was a good friend and though sometimes he was a bit of a jokester, Ciel felt like Sebastian really cared for him. When his parents died, Ciel was very aloof. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to be alone. But, Sebastian wouldn't have it. After all Sebastian knew what it was like to be without parents. He was orphaned from the very start. He never knew what happened to his parents, if they didn't want him or couldn't have him or... he didn't know. Ciel respected Sebastian and how he wanted to help, so he let him. Ever since then Ciel had been getting these strange feelings toward his friend. He closed his eyes to ease his throbbing head. All he saw was Sebastian. He rolled over and groaned. He tried his best to go to sleep. His mind was flooded with the one he called his best friend. He sighed and soon found his mind go black and he drifted to sleep.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ruffling the comforter and the dark haired boy inside it the other male laughed, irritating the boy inside the blankets. Ciel groaned and rolled over. Ciel opened his eyes to find two icy blue ones stare back at him. "Good morning, Ciel!" The blonde said cheerfully. Ciel yelped, rolling over and off the bed. The blonde giggled.

"Alois!" Ciel said, quite irritated. "Are you bloody mad, you loon! I could have hurt myself!" Ciel shouted angrily. "...and how the hell did you get in here?"

"Tanaka let me in...friendly ol' chap isn't he?" The blonde smiled, irritating the boy further. "Anywho, Ciel..." The blonde had a tantalizing yet creepy smile across his face. "You seemed to be having a _wonderful_ dream, so I just waited for you to wake on your own."

"Dream... what?" Ciel asked, noticing Alois pointing down at him, giggling gleefully at his friend's current situation. "What..?" He said another time looking between himself then flushing all kinds of red. He made the utmost embarrassing of high pitched squeaks and covered himself with his blanket.

Alois continued to giggle, even at his age he would always be so immature. "Who were you dreaming about Ciel...hmm?" He hummed with a devious smirk across his face.

" _NO ONE-ERM-NOTHING!_ Shut up!" Ciel blushed, glaring at the blonde literally rolling with laughter across Ciel's bed.

Alois giggled, "Hehe, I bet it was Sebastian."

In all honesty he didn't remember, but that didn't stop him from shooting up, grabbing the blonde's shirt with anger. He didn't know why but this really made him boil with rage. "How _dare_ you?!" Ciel said, shaking with rage. "Do not _ever_ suggest something like that of me or of my best friend ever again." Alois looked at the teen with almost unnoticeable fear. "Do you hear me, Alois Trancy?"

Alois gulped, nodding, "Yes sir.." Ciel furrowed his eyebrows at the boy for a moment then tossed him back on the bed, turning and walking away.

"Geez," The blonde boy muttered, turning to look toward Ciel's door as it opened. Alois smirked, "Oh, hello Sebastian!"

"Alois, I told you to stop that..." Ciel said through a toothbrush in his mouth.

"Stop what?" Ciel stopped brushing as Sebastian's voice resonated into his bathroom.

With Ciel quick thinking and nonchalant style, he stuck his head out of the bathroom and pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth. "Stop talking.." Ciel said.

Alois smirked taking up the opportunity and turned to Sebastian, "Hey Sebastian~ Ciel had a wet dream, he told me about it~!"

Ciel blushed, "Qu-quit assuming shit..." Ciel said going back into the bathroom.

Alois pouted, "He won't tell me who it was about!"

"Even if I did, which I didn't , I wouldn't tell _you."_ Ciel said from the bathroom.

"I tell you!" Alois whined.

"You're weird! I don't even ask you, you just _tell_ me. Like, I don't already know who!" Ciel continued to shout.

"I bet you'd tell _Sebastian."_ Alois pouted. Ciel went silent.

"Um...," Ciel coughed. "I'm not weird and open about that as much as you are, Alois."

The blonde giggled hysterically as if Ciel had said the funniest joke ever. "You tell Sebastian everything thing, though. Right Sebastian?"

"More or less, I don't pry." Sebastian said, finding the conversation to be quite amusing. Ciel just shook his head.

"You two just need to shut up about it.." Ciel said, coming from the bathroom dressed and eyepatch over his bruised eye.

"Do you have wet dreams often Ciel?" Alois said, grinning, pushing him further.

"Alois, I will _physically_ remove you from my room and my home." Ciel growled, being pushed beyond repair.

"I was just playing with you! Bloody hell, loosen up!" Alois said. Alois' inappropriate humor often made it hard to be friends with him. And Ciel was not amused.

"Well sometimes you _can_ go a bit far and it is quite unnecessary." Ciel said. He sent the blonde a glare. Alois just rolled his eyes with a smirk. What gal. Sometimes Ciel wanted nothing more than the blonde to just scram. Honestly Alois was always there and it annoyed Ciel to hell and back.

"Oh relax. You are making a big deal out of nothing!" Alois giggled, swinging his legs off the bed. Ciel scoffed and turned away childishly. "Oh! Come on let's go! We have a busy day!"

"What do you mean _we_?" Ciel inquired.

Alois just laughed, pulling the teenage boy out of his room. "Come on, Sebby!" Alois called from down the hall.

"Do not call me that." Sebastian said, standing following the two outside. Sebastian met them outside. Ciel looking irritated as ever.

"Where the hell are you dragging me? I barely had a second to tell Tanaka goodbye...or even a good morning." Ciel said, eyebrows furrowed at the blonde in front of him.

"Well..." Alois thought. Then he jumped up getting an idea and with a gasp he said, "Let's go get some breakfast and decide together." Before Ciel could get out a full sentence he was being pulled to Sebastian's car.

"No, Alo-"

"Oh, but Sebastian...would you mind doing me a tinsy little favor before we go eat?" Alois asked, putting all he could into a pleading face.

"No, I will not pick up your boyfriend." Sebastian said.

"Awe, come on Sebby!" Alois protested as the two boys got in the car.

"No, Alois and I said not to call me that." Sebastian said.

"Awe...and he is not my boyfriend...yet!" Alois said, spiriting to the back seat of the car.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

They arrived at a small restaurant in London for a quick bite.

"Shit." Ciel said, quite loud. "I don't have enough to eat and the bank doesn't open till noon."

"I got you." Sebastian said.

"No you don't have to do tha-"

"I want to, come on." Sebastian said. Ciel blushed.

"Oh-okay." Ciel said looking away. "Thanks."

"No problem. If I couldn't do this much, what kind of friend would I be?" Sebastian nudged him. Ciel smiled and nodded in agreement. He could feel Alois grin in front of him. Alois could very easily decipher things about other people. But when it came to a certain someone, he was very blinded.

The trio ate their breakfast and hit the town. "Oh good news!" Alois announced. There was an annoyed sigh that came from Ciel which Alois ignored. "Claude is going to meet us in town."

"Joy." Ciel said. Sebastian just shook his head.

"I know; isn't it wonderful!" Alois clapped his hands together. "Olé!" He said after doing a little twirl.

Ciel and Sebastian glanced at each other. It was going to be a _long_ day.


	2. Starry Eyed

Chapter 2

Starry Eyed

Ciel tapped his fingers on the table most irritably as Alois' voice droned on, talking to the yellowed eyed man, who was clearly bored next to him. The blonde could talk for hours and barely breathe while doing it. He felt something jabbing him in the side, he looked next to him at Sebastian with a glare noticing he poked him with his fork.

"Why are you poking me cutlery?" Ciel asked, somewhat amusingly with a half smile. He just couldn't help but smile when either talking or looking at the man.

"It's fun..."Sebastian said and point him again. "You need to be more fun, Ciel." He went in to poke him again but Ciel moved away, waving his hand.

"Stop! What are you talking about? I am very fun!" Ciel said, raising his head and rolling his head in disbelief that his best friend would say that!

"Oh yeah, Phantomhive? Okay, then tell me what you call _fun."_ Sebastian said, smirking, knowing Ciel really didn't know what fun is.

"Well...uh, you know..." Ciel paused a moment, getting nervous by the way his friend was looking at him. He blushed hotly and said a few more, _uh_ and _um's_ before saying, "...Chess...?" He said rather questionably.

Sebastian began to laugh. "Really?! Haha, you don't know what fun is?"

"Chess is so fun!" Ciel retorted. "I always had fun playing it with my dad..." Sebastian stopped laughing. Ciel poked at his bagel, not looking up at Sebastian. His dad was the one who taught him how to play and he always loved to play.

"Sorry...I guess anything can be fun; when you're with the right people of course."

"It's alright...what do you call fun?" Ciel then questioned.

"Well, it involves get off my ass." Sebastian pointed out. Ciel stuck out his tongue. "Whenever we hang out, I call that fun."

"Does that mean I'm fun?" Ciel questioned.

"No, not really." The man said bluntly. Ciel's face formed into a pout.

"I'm fun and you know it." Ciel retorted.

"Your about as fun as a wet blanket." Sebastian chuckled.

"Shut your mouth." Ciel ordered. "You know you're not funny, right?"

"Yeah, I'm hilarious." Sebastian winked, cause the boy to blush and look away.

"Ye-yeah right." He said, flustered. _'Dammit.'_ He thought. _'Why is he so damn charming.'_ Ciel clutched his fork, and poked at his food that Sebastian had paid for, for him. _'What's this mean?'_ Ciel thought. He felt so twisted inside. He bit his lip feeling the sensation course through his stomach. Butterflies? Why was he so nervous? Did he really...?

He could feel Alois' eyes burn into the top of his head. He looked up, already aware of the smirk etched onto his face. Eyes fixated on Ciel and eyebrows furrowed together making it look as if he had something diabolical up his sleeve. Ciel scoffed and picked up his drink and took a sip, ignoring Alois all together.

"So, what shall we do today. Shop, go to the beach, go on an adventure?" Alois asked, gaining everyone's attention.

"Well, whatever we do, I still have to go to the bank." Ciel said.

"Sounds good to me, let's walk around and delve into what catches our eyes." Alois declared standing and leading the group. Ciel just shrugged and they all left.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

On the way to the bank they all -mostly Alois though- decided to shop in town. Ciel. Got out his money and off they went. Alois and Claude lead and Ciel and Sebastian strayed to the back. Alois was talking, as per usual, and hanging onto Claude. The taller man seem to pay no mind to it. Alois was the clingy type, if not Claude then with Ciel. When Claude was not around, Ciel was technically his best friend. It's not like Alois was unbearable, he was tolerable-most of the time. He was a good person, really, it's just he is so immature.

It was warm and was one of those day were it wasn't raining. So they decided to walk. They stopped at multiple stores-clothing or of the like. Aloud insisted they stop at this smoothie place that he insisted was absolutely _fabulous._ It was good. After they got lunch and Claude claimed he had to leave for football (soccer) practice so Alois went with him and waved a goodbye to the two. Ciel exhaled a sigh of relief knowing he wouldn't have to babysit the blonde all day.

"You want to come back with me. We could watch a movie or something; Tanaka has to work till five." Ciel offered.

"Sure, let's go." Sebastian said. It took them 15 minutes to find Sebastian's car and another 15 to return back to Ciel's home. It was nice to hang out and relax with Sebastian before he had to leave. He had this feeling of dread deep in his chest.

"When do you leave?" Ciel asked out of the blue.

"2 weeks." Sebastian said. He watched Ciel face twist into some form of sadness or another. "Hey, you know I'll always be there to talk to you. You won't be alone." Sebastian said. Ciel was silent, looking at the cordless controller in his lap. "Hey..."

"Promise me..!" Ciel began. "Promise to call me every night. A-and if you can't, find time to text me...I don't know how to deal this year."

"Promise." Sebastian smiled. "Don't worry, okay? No matter the distance, I will never let you feel alone." Sebastian looked Ciel deep in the eyes making his cheeks heat up.

"O-okay... Thanks." Ciel mumbled.

"If I couldn't do that much what kind of friend would I be?" Ciel smiled smally. Sebastian smirked, catching the small blush on his friend's face.

Later Sebastian left shortly after Tanaka got home. There was some small talk but nothing more. Sebastian and Ciel said their goodbyes and that was that.

"Did you have a good day my boy?" Tanaka asked, smile ever present on his face.

"Yes, it was a nice day." Ciel said, and that was that.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Two weeks came and went and by that time Ciel only had three days till he started school again. The heaviest feeling of dread was dropped upon his chest. All he did that day Sebastian left was lie in bed, a huge pit in his stomach. Ciel felt-truly-alone. He understood that he had Tanaka there and occasionally, Alois, but he felt that he could only tell Sebastian certain things. It was sad really. Ciel wasn't ready for his Junior year. Not in the slightest. This year was the most important.

He felt so small these days, like everyone stepped around him, carefully like he was a baby; so breakable and fragile. Yes, his parents dying did a real number on him, but he didn't needed to be treated as if broke all his limbs and needed to be waiting on hand and foot. He rarely did anything these past few days leading up to the beginning of the school year. Depression took over him. Sebastian hadn't talked to him since he left. He did promise to get a hold of him once he settled in. Ciel had to keep reminding himself that Sebastian would still fine through for him. He promised him he's never be alone. Ciel trusted Sebastian and he knows he would never let him down or go back on a promise.

Not that Sebastian had left Ciel realized how relevant his feelings for his friend were. He didn't want to believe it but he could understand it. Sebastian was the closest of anything Ciel had. They were always their for each other. Ciel had been there while Sebastian was bouncing around foster homes until he was legal to live on his own. And now, Sebastian is there for Ciel as he learns to live without what Sebastian had to live without practically his whole life.

Sebastian was there, the night the fire happened. He was talking to Ciel over the phone. They were laughing and having a good time; until Ciel heard a loud noise. When he went to investigate, all Sebastian heard on his line was Ciel scream and glass shatter then, the line when dead. He wasn't to far at the time and he worried greatly as Ciel's friend and raced to the boy's house. Ciel doesn't remember, nor does he _know,_ but before the firefighters got there, Sebastian went in and carried Ciel-unconscious at the time-out of the burning building. He had no idea whether his parents were home at the time or else he would have jumped to their rescue as well. Ciel and his parents were like family to him. He regrets not seeking inside a second time.

Ciel has no recollection of this. All he remembers is waking up in the hospital, bandage over his eye, on an air pump- because of the smoke inhalation- and Sebastian right there; next to him the whole time. He also remembers Sebastian being there for him after he was told his parents perished in the fire. That was the first and last time Sebastian ever saw him cry. He never wanted to feel so vulnerable again.

For a few days after the fire, Ciel stayed at Sebastian's until custody agreements were worked out. It was the most tiring time of his life. He was in and out of court like nobody's business. It was tough, but Sebastian helped Ciel pull through it. Tanaka had a tough time getting custody of his nephew under the reason of his health issues. He wasn't really old, he was in his late 50's. He just had some heart problems that laid into factor. And also how well Ciel knew the man. He knows Tanaka very little in person, but knew a lot from his father. During the process of Tanaka gaining custody of Ciel, the bluenette found out Tanaka wasn't actually related to Ciel at all. He was his grandfather's good friend. He was always around Ciel's father, Vincent, a great deal while he was growing up. It's been so many years that Vincent forgot that weren't related directly. But, if anything, Vincent would have wanted Tanaka to have custody of his son, if the death of both mother and father had occurred, which it had.

Ciel didn't have many living relatives. He had one aunt, but she lived so far away and he barely knew anything of her. He just knew her daughter, his cousin Lizzie. Before she able to stay home by herself, her mother would bring her to her cousin's home when she had to travel, which was a lot. He doesn't see her much anymore.

Suddenly, Ciel's phone vibrates on the bedside table. He jolts and makes an irritated sigh. He plucks the phone from the stand and reads the caller ID. He rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue, "Trancy." He muttered. "What do you want?" Ciel asked, irritated as usual.

"Oi?! Now is that how you say hello? Very rude Ciel!" Alois says. Ciel just rolls his eyes again. "You know, now it's just you and me until Claude and Sebby come back for a holiday."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Ciel said. "And quick calling him Sebby, it's creepy..."

"Awe, it's so cute the way you said it!" Alois said.

"Shut up!" Ciel growled. "Stop suggesting disgusting things!"

"No it's not! I think you guys would make an _adorable_ couple!" Alois said. Ciel sighed but didn't say anything. Then in an all too uneasiness serious tone, Alois said, "Do you have feelings for Sebastian, Ciel?" Ciel stood still. It's something that's plagued him for weeks.

Ciel blushed, _'Do I?'_ Ciel wondered. He could hear and feel his heart pounding in his chest. He felt uneasy and uncomfortable at the question, but he knew. " _Yes._ " Ciel said, swallowing hard. Before Alois could make a snide comment, he added, "and it scares me." Ciel really meant it. Having feelings for Sebastian scared him because he meant so much to him; done so much for him. He didn't want to sever that connection between them. "I'm scared to lose him as my best friend."

Alois was silent for a moment. He was usually rash with his comments. With this he felt awkward teasing Ciel about this. It felt mean and he didn't want to. He loved to tease Ciel a lot, but he wasn't going to this time. It was a delicate situation, as far as one goes and Alois knew how much Sebastian really meant to him and he wasn't going to tick him off or make him feel bad for having these feelings.

"What? Your not going to make fun of me?" Ciel asked, embarrassed that he just spiked something personal with someone he wasn't so close with.

"No," Alois mumbled, timidly. "I'm not."

"You're going to tell Sebastian though right? Because that's what you would do. I know you Alois; I know when there is an opportunity to tease me, you take it." Ciel said, slightly ticked off.

"No, Ciel, I won't. I promise. And this is a true promise that you can only trust me with once in a life time." Alois said. "Oh, but I expect a promise from you in return."

"What, then?" Ciel mumbled.

"I haven't decided yet, but when the time comes, I want you to be there for me too!" Alois said. "Well, all I wanted to do was bug you. Anyway, see you Monday, then?" Alois asked.

"Yeah," Ciel muttered, standing up. "Oh and Alois..." Ciel twitched and swallowed hard. Alois hummed in anticipation. "Thank-thank you..."

"Anytime!" Alois said in his usual flamboyant style.

"Bye," Ciel twitched again.

"Goodbye Ciel!" Alois exclaimed. Ciel hung up the phone and sighed.

This school year would be difficult for sure. He really wasn't looking forward to it. He sat back down on his bed and contemplated contacting Sebastian. _'Should I?'_ Ciel thought. _'No, no. He might be busy. I'll wait till he calls me. Yeah...okay.'_ Ciel decided and he laid down. Before he knew it he fell asleep.


	3. An Empty Presence

_(I've actually had this done for a while but I was trying to write a few chapters at a time and yeah that wasn't working. I have plenty of stories and I plan to update them. So enjoy this! Thanks!)_

Chapter 3

An Empty Presence

The days dragged on it seemed like. Ever since Sebastian left and school started for Ciel he felt himself sinking lower in lower within himself. A small fog of depression overcame him. The school always stemmed stress for him. Everything was just a little more overwhelming for him, going through his last 2 years of school without his parent and then, the rest of his life. The only thing Ciel had to look forward to was Sebastian's call at the end of the night. He loved to listen to his deep voice resonate through his phone and into his ear. It was the best feeling in the world to hear Sebastian's voice. If he closed his eyes while on the phone with him it would be like he was there with him. Even though, he didn't feeling the presence of his friend, which Ciel loved.

Ciel sat at his homework desk walking for the call. He was already so tired and he just wanted anything to reassure him. Suddenly his phone vibrated on his desk. He fumbled with it a moment and forgot to check the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Oh my god you actually picked up this time!" Ciel grit his teeth.

"Dammit, Trancy I'm waiting for Sebastian to call!" Ciel said venomously.

"Okay, GEEZ!" Alois sounded offended. "No need to be so rude Ciel."

"Goodbye!" Ciel said obnoxiously.

"Fine! See you Ciel~!" Alois hung up.

Ciel sighed, ' _What am I going to do with him?'_ Ciel sat there in silence again that seemed like forever. Then his phone ring again. This time he check the caller ID and was relieved to see it was Sebastian this time.

"H-hello?" Damn, why did he stutter? Fucking stutter.

"Hey, ah god so tired, but made sure I made time to talk to my fave boy." Sebastian said groggily. Ciel blushed, Sebastian always teased him but Ciel never reacted to it the way he did just now.

"Y-you're tired? Maybe I should let you go, so you can sleep." Ciel suggested, he missed him so much but just hearing his voice for a few seconds sated him.

"Nah, no way. You wait all day to talk to me and I wait too. So, how's school been?" There it was. Ciel felt a pang in his chest. He didn't want to talk about it had been so awful so far. After the fire Ciel would get these panic attacks. They had calmed down a bit a couple of weeks ago. Although, on the second day of school one such occurrence happened. He was in chem class and his teacher was giving a demonstration. Everything was all hunky dory until he turned the bunsen burner on. It was just a small flicker of a blue-almost white flame. Ciel's heart nearly stopped, his throat dried up and his heart beat faster. He couldn't swallow, his breath became erratic and he ran out of the classroom sick to his stomach. His knees felt weak and he almost doubled over in sheer shock. His body shook and nearly passed out. He could never tell Sebastian that, he knows him; he'll freak out and get all concerned. He always had when these attacks happened.

"F-fine." Ciel voice peaked like he was going through puberty again and he cringed at the sound of it.

The line lay silent for a moment as Ciel waited to the laughter and teasing to follow. But it didn't. "Ciel Vincent Phantomhive, you know you can't lie to me. Especially when your voice cracks so harshly."

"Okay-okay! I had a teensy weensy little panic attack in chem the other day. But! It was no big deal I handled it!" It was a big deal actually; he was sent to the counselor's office and in which he was sent home. On the second for crying out loud! He was so mad at himself for that. For once in his could he keep it together? Just once? No, a little fricken match makes him shit himself.

"Seriously, Ciel?" Sebastian sighed. "I can't leave you alone for two seconds without you having an attack."

"Fuck you! And it wasn't that bad so you can shut your damn mouth." Why does he keep lying to himself? He knows how bad it was. When Tanaka got him home he was shaking on the couch, near close to tears. He felt so pathetic when he was that weak. He wished he could have had Sebastian there. He would have calmed him down the moment he started shaking.

"Hey calm down! I'm sorry, I wish I was there." Sebastian said.

' _I wish you were here too.'_ Ciel thought, eyes growing weary.

"I should let you go, you have a class early right? Thanks for calling, it really keeps me sane." Ciel bit his lip and blushed, he missed his friend so much that he ached.

"Yeah." Sebastian yawned in which cased Ciel to smile. His yawns were always so loud and overly drawn out, all on purpose. "And hey, if you ever have an attack again, ever if it was just a small one, I don't want you hiding it from me, okay? You're my best friend, I don't know what'd I do if you broke down."

"I promise...uh, Sebastian..." Ciel paused a moment, feeling the heat in his cheeks. "Goodnight." He finally said.

"Night, Ciel, sleep tight; don't let the bedbugs bite." Ciel smiled before he ended the call. He set his phone aside and flopped onto his bed.

"God...tired," He mumbled into the sheets. He blushed fiercely as he closed his eyes and curled up on the bed. "Fuck-god, what the _hell_ is he doing to me." He muttered. His eyes closed softly, pulling the blanket over his bare legs and pulling the pillow close in his arms. He felt so vulnerable, wrecked, so broken. His heart sank deep within his chest. He hated this feeling; fuck, he hated it so much. He wished he couldn't feel any emotion at all, then he wouldn't feel pain, shock or even stupid shitty love for that big goof he just spoke to on the phone. That's all he wanted, was to feel nothing anymore. Nothing in the world could change that. He clonked out then after.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The next morning was shitty as it was raining-typical for London but that's not the point. Ciel woke up late, causing him to miss the bus for school and making Tanaka late for work. He felt awful for that. Next he was greeted by an overly happy morning person. The blonde wouldn't shut up through their first period which they shared. God-if there was a time to take him out it would have been right then, holy hell.

"...and I talked to Claude last night, holy shit he is shut a bloody flirt! And then...eh, Ciel, uh HELLO? EARTH TO CIEL?" Alois rose his voice rudely as he notice had paid him no mind.

"What? God, fuck you don't shut the hell up!" Ciel fumed, this wasn't unusual; Ciel was always a grump in the mornings.

"Did you hear a bloody word I said?" Alois furrowed his eyebrows in anger.

"Yeah! Shit, you talk my ear off Trancy!"

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Icy blue eyes glared at the side of his friend's profile. Ciel stayed silent and decided not to fuel the fire any longer. "Fine! Have it your way!" The blonde sulked. Ciel rolled his eyes, it was back and forth between them really. They could never hold a solid conversation with each, even if they wanted too. "I'm sorry," he heard Alois say. "I know you're in a bad mood because you miss Sebastian; I'm sorry okay?"

"It's fine," He said, solemnly. He more than missed Sebastian, he ached for him. He needed to see his face and hear his laugh, to see that dorky smirk of his that always pissed him off.

"Hey, do you want to go eat after school? My treat!" Alois smiled. "Hey, I have to get your mind off him somehow. Just you and me, what do you say?"

"Okay, fine," Ciel rolled his eyes.

"Damn, don't make it sound like such a chore. Have fun for once!" The blonde playfully pushed him.

Ciel cracked a small smile, it quickly erased itself from existence. "Don't push me!" He countered to cover up his slip up.

"Don't be a dick! I'm being nice to you! I'm _always_ nice to you."

"Pft, never heard that one before."

"Hey, shut up." Alois turned away after the shitty comeback left his lips.

"Shut up? Really, that's the best you can come up with?" Ciel scuffed. "Lame."

"You're lame, Phantomhive!" Alois huffed. "See if I ever do anything nice for you ever again." He trailed off, mumbling as he notice the teacher getting ready to start class.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The final bell rang and Ciel felt so relieved that the week was over. He was going to sleep in all week. Well, he would, if he didn't have to work at ten in the morning. He worked 10-4 on the weekends. He worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday from 4-9 on the weekdays. It was exhausting but at least he didn't have to work that night.

Alois took Ciel to the restaurant down the street from school. Alois had his very own car, he got it the day he turned sixteen. It was a classic car that he got sprayed purple, his favorite color. It was his pride and joy. He took real good care of it.

"Pick anything you like!" Alois smiled, he really liked to spend time with Ciel. He was his best friend. Ciel hummed and looked to the over the menu. The place they were at was a small diner.

"I don't know..." He suddenly wasn't hungry. He got this weird feeling in his gut. Ciel sighed and just stared at the laminated piece of paper.

Alois looked up from his menu and notice Ciel's face. He looked a little upset, but not like he would cry upset, but upset. "Hey...are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Fine, totally fine." Ciel said, avoiding eye contact.

Alois sighed, realizing he wouldn't get through to his friend when he was like this. "Okay, okay." They fell silent after they got their meals. Alois began to worry about him. Ciel twirled his straw in his iced tea. He propped himself up on his elbow and lazily scooped up his soup in his spoon and put it into his mouth. He spun the spoon and scratched the bottom of the bowl. He had only taken two bites out of it. He felt sick to his stomach and he didn't know why. "Hey, Ciel..." Alois started, gaining Ciel's glance. "I know I'm not as close to you as you are with Sebastian, but when he's not here you know I am. I listen if you ever want to talk."

"I'm fine Alois, honestly," He gave him the fakest of smiles that Alois could clearly see through. "I know you want to help and really I'm thankful for that, but you have nothing to worry about! I'm _fine!_ "

"That's a fat load of shit and you know it!" Alois figured calming talking to him was out of the question. "You've been emotionally distant since Sebastian left and you're just too scared to admit it! Ciel, you need to open up, I'm here for you!"

"I told you already, I'm fine!" Ciel began to raise his voice, slamming his hands on the table, making the plates and silverware jump, causing people to stare. "Look, I know you're trying to help but don't you think that maybe I want to deal with this on my own! If I try to talk to someone they always...they always leave!" Ciel sat back down and stared down at the table. He felt this feeling in his chest build and he like he was going to explode. It was true Ciel had been emotionally distant since Sebastian left. "Sooner or later, they'll all leave." He bit his lip and cringe as he realized he was about to cry. And in public too.

"Ciel...I won't leave I promise I won't go anywhere-!" He reached across the table to grab his hand when he stopped as Ciel's phone began to ring. He quickly picked up and noticed it was an unknown number. He hesitated to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Ciel Phantomhive?" The female voice on the other end asked.

"This is he."

"Hello, sir, name is Tracy, I am a nurse at the Community hospital here in London. I have your name down here as an emergency contact for Mr. Tanaka. He's had a heart attack." The lady explained.

"What?! Is he alright," Ciel began to freak out.

"What?! Who?" Alois jumped up, waiting in anticipation.

"He is unconscious at the moment but it was pretty serious, he needs to stay over night. You can come down to see him."

"Okay... okay, thank you, goodbye," His voice shook as he hung up.

"What, what's going on?! CIEL!" Alois started at the boy as he got up and began to collect his things.

"I'm sorry, I have to go; I'll call you later. Thanks for taking me out. I'll call you later, I just... I have to go!" His voice was urgent as he stumbled out of the diner. He felt dizzy; he felt sick, he didn't know what to do, so he kicked into high gear and started running. He booked it for as long as he could, but his body was so weak he only got about a block away and decided to grab the nearest bus stop.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

He made it in the next half hour. He rushed through the sliding doors as they opened upon visibility of his running form. He ran to the desk and asked the lady were Tanaka's room was. She told him he was on the third floor room 315. He went to the elevator and pressed the button to bring him up to the third floor. His heart was racing, he could feel it pounding in his ears. He felt like he couldn't breath when the elevator stopped on the third floor. He walked down the hall which was lined with closed doors.

"312...313...314...315," He gulped as the label on the side of the door read Tanaka's name. His heart nearly stopped as he saw him laying on the white sheets. He was so pale, he looked like a ghost. He could hear all the machines beeping and the tubes going in and out of his body. He breathed heavily, sitting next to the bed. "Tanaka, hey, I'm here. I don't know if you can hear me but I'm here. It's Ciel, I'm here." His hand shook as he placed it over Tanaka's. He stared at what seem to be a lifeless body; but the sight of seeing his chest rise and fall gave him hope. He was so wrapped up in watching Tanka, he jumped when his cell phone rang. "Ah, jesus...hello?" He answered.

"It's me," Ciel recalled the voice of Alois and sighed.

"I'm sorry I left like that. Tanaka's in the hospital, he had a heart attack at work today."

"Oh, geez is he okay?"

"They're keep him overnight and his unconscious right now...I don't know." Ciel's voice got smaller and smaller as he spoke.

"...are _you_ okay, Ciel?" His tone dripped with worry.

"I-I'll be fine..."

"Are you sure? I can come down to the hospital, just say the word."

"No, no it's fine. I just need to stay with Tanaka."

"Okay, well, see you later then."

"Yeah, see ya." Ciel hung up the phone and put his focus back to Tanaka. "I'm not going anywhere..." He squeezed his hand and heard the old man groan. "T-Tanaka?"

The old man rolled his head over toward Ciel, opening his eyes and giving him a soft smile. "Ho ho ho, Ciel my boy..."

"Just hang on, I'll be right back to tell the doctor you're awake." Tanaka lay still as Ciel stood and walked out the room. He was too weak to protest. Ciel came back seconds later with the doctor.

"My, look at you!" The doctor was a female in her mid forties with short brown hair and blue eyes. "How are you feeling, Mr. Tanaka? Can you speak?"

"B-barely," Ciel felt his heart sink in his chest.

"It's alright, you don't need to talk." She pulled out her stethoscope and checked the man's pulse.

"Is-is he going to be alright?" Ciel was shaking, he couldn't control his emotions.

"He's fine right now, his pulse is weak, but still there..." She stopped speaking when she noticed Ciel's eyes waver. She gave him a warm smile. "I'm Dr. Ann, I assure you young man that he is in good hands. There is no need to worry." Ciel swallowed hard and nodded. "I'll be out at the nurses station if you need anything, alright?"

Ciel nodded, "Yeah-yes, thank you." She then, left the room after she checked over Tanaka. Ciel knelt back down at the old man's bed side. Ciel stayed there for hours and before he knew it it got late. He watched the hospital T.V hanging off the wall and just channel surfed for those few hours.

"Ciel, my boy, it's late." Tanaka rasped, his voice low and gruff. Ciel looked over at him and bit his lip, his heart jumping into his throat as he heard the old man wince. "Please, go home, sleep in your own bed, I'll be fine, you can see me in the morning."

"What? No way! I'm staying right here with you. I'll sleep on that chair over there; I'm not leaving-"

"Ciel, please, for me..." Ciel looked at the man and cinched his eyebrows together contemplating if he should stay or go.

"Al-alright..." Ciel watch as the man smiled. "You're okay right? I can stay if-"

"Please, go, I will be fine.." Ciel nodded over better judgment. He kissed the man's forehead and said his goodbye's, lingering in the room for as long as he could until he crossed the threshold of the door frame and finally left down the hallway.

Ciel got out to the parking lot and stood there for a long while, he didn't want to go home; he didn't want to be alone. He looked at his phone; it was almost nine thirty. He bit his lip. He really really didn't want to go back to that empty home, it was to big and hollow for him. He made his decision. He made his way to the closest underground subway station and bought a ticket. That's it, he had enough. It was 5 hours by car and by 2 subway. He needed to see Sebastian, right now; tonight. As he sat down and watched those doors close he realized that there was no turning back now.


End file.
